i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
That was before I lit my hair on fire
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
