Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Two words: blizzard sex
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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