trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
