Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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