well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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