I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
