They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
