dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
