Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
