actually, I'm a sock model
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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