It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
