I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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