Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
