And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
