Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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