we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
