you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
