hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
