Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
