he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
