Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
