Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
