why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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