just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
we're so committed to being not committed
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
