i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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