I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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