I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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