I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
