Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
