Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
