but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
