i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
