it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
