We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
