There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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