She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
