just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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