haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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