is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
