Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
