i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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