My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
