i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
