My sheets look like a crime scene.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
