I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
