i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
