girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
