Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
