I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Help. Why am I so naked?
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