So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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