i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
