and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
