I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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