No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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