My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
