Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
