no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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